Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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