would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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