Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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