Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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