im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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