I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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