R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize