I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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