If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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