good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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