why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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