I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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