I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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