He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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