I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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