i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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