I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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