On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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