dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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