I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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