I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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