....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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