As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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