Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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