I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize