Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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