Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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