No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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