I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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