I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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