He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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