If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize