so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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