I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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