Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I party with great urgency now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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