I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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