I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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