The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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