shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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