You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize