Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize