I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize