I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize