Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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