just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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