Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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