the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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