I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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