This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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