He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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